An article recently came out about how researchers from a ‘green’ chemistry center have found a way to recover a chemical called polyvinyl-alcohol (PVA).  It is a compound that is used in the television industry and is a key element of television sets with liquid crystal display (LCD) technology.  These green conscious scientists are worried about the heavy burden of having to manage all of the potential waste of thrown out television sets by just burying it in landfills, so they have now devised a way to recover and reuse it by putting it into our medical system.  It would now be used for things such as “transforming it into a substance suitable for use in tissue scaffolds which help parts of the body regenerate. They can also be used in pills and dressings that are designed to deliver drugs to particular parts of the body.”  Interesting.  I decided to take a peek at the MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) on  PVA and here is what I found relating to human exposure to this chemical:

Skin: May cause skin irritation.
Eyes: May cause eye irritation.
Ingestion: May cause gastrointestinal (digestive) tract irritation. May affect behavior/central nervous system (symptoms may include general depressed activity, altered sleep time, muscle weakness). May also affect blood and metabolism.
Inhalation: May cause respiratory tract irritation.
Chronic Potential Health Effects: Inhalation or ingestion for prolonged period of time may affect blood and metabolism, and behavior.

It is unbelievable that scientists cannot understand why disease rates, such as cancer, are sky rocketing.  Really?  Is our society so focused on going green that we have lost our ability to look beyond the trend and use our heads to see what the repercussions of going green may be?  In many cases, such as this, going green creates risks that outweigh the benefits.  We are now recycling, which is a major component of the going green movement, a carcinogenic chemical into something that will be put into our bodies and will most definitely take a toll on our health.

The irony is this:  What’s the point of  going green to create a healthy living environment for the future, when walking down this path may ruin the health of those who will be living in it?

First, you should know that I give the glory to God for answered prayers.  I am so thankful for every single prayer that has been lifted up upon my behalf.  I’m thankful for the 156 members that signed up almost immediately for the Facebook group that was created to pray for my upcoming scans.  I’m thankful for the endless amount of emails, cards, phone calls and people that tell me that their bible study, etc. is praying for me.  More than anything in my treatment plan, I believe that prayer is the most important and the most effective.  I’m so fortunate that I was raised in a family that believes that we serve a God that can heal and answer prayer.  I take so much comfort and hope in that.

With all that said, I think that DMSO is proving it’s importance, as well.  By the time of my last scan, I had been on chemo for 3 months and it didn’t seem to be working because the tumor was still growing.  We’ll never know for sure, but with the addition of more frequent DMSO treatment since my last scan in May, my tumor is now stable and is not showing any sugar uptake on my PET scan.  What this means is that the tumor has not grown since May and it is presenting as a completely low grade tumor.  In the area of tumor growth on my scans in February and May, that area was up-taking sugar faster than the brain cells surrounding it.  This indicates active cancer cells, which was confirmed by the tumor growth.  We are now in a similar situation to last summer after going to Oklahoma.  The tumor was presenting as a high grade tumor before starting the natural treatment and then was low grade after doing a couple rounds of the treatment.  I was doing fairly high doses of DMSO at that time, as well.  This is amazing news!  If there was growth on this scan, I would’ve had to make the agonizing decision of whether or not to do radiation.  I can’t put into words the relief of not having to do this.

At this point we’re going to just keep on doing what we’ve been doing.  The fact that the DMSO seems to be doing the trick is a bit bitter-sweet.  It’s a bummer having to deal with the odor, but I guess it’s better to be around and smell a bit, than to not be around at all, eh?

We’re still waiting to hear from UCLA and will probably make a decision of the next scan date based on their recommendation, but for now we’re just going to bask in my scan results.  Thank you, again, for all the ways you are showing us your love and for your prayers.  We are blessed.

I thought I should post a blog since it’s been a very long time.  It’s been challenging to have time and actually want to sit down at the computer lately.  I love summer!  I was supposed to have scans this morning, but they had to get changed to next Tuesday due to a scheduling conflict.  This is closer to 8 weeks from the last, anyways.  Life has been quite busy lately.  Between my endless medical appointments and summertime with the kids, there is always something going on.  It’s so nice to have Tyler home to play with Trent in the mornings.  They are becoming quite close now, so it’s fun to watch them grow together.  Whenever they’ve been apart and see each other again, they always give each other a big hug and pat each other on the back.  SO cute.  Think that will last for the next 10 years?  Neither do I.

We were able to get about 1000 miles away from cows and doctors for 8 days in California a couple weeks ago.  We spent a little bit of time in northern California with Johnny and Melinda (Marvin’s sister) at their house and then headed down to San Diego with them for a week.  We hit up Sea World, the beach, stayed at an RV resort that was right on the bay and just hung out.  It was amazing.  The weather was perfect, the company was perfect, it couldn’t have been a better week.  It was a much needed break for our family.  Marvin has been going 24/7 with the dairy for the past year and if he’s not working, he’s dealing with some kind of medical something in my life.  I actually went a couple of days on this vacation without once thinking about this tumor.  I am not at all exaggerating when I say that it has been a couple of years since that has happened, probably before my tumor recurrence.  So that was amazing to be able to be so distracted by having fun that we didn’t think about all of the other ’stuff’ going on in our lives.

We’ve had some tough times in our house lately.  Because Tyler is getting older and aware of a lot more now than he was when he was younger, he’s now asking why I have to go to the hospital and doctors so often.  He starts crying if I have any focal seizures come on and he’s with me because he’s scared.  He’s seen a couple of my grand mal seizures which doesn’t help that situation.  He tells me all the time that he’s worried about me.  It’s heartbreaking to watch him deal with all of this.  We are praying, pleading that these next scans show some good news.  We could sure use some!

Trent is finally putting forth more effort to talk.  It’s about time!  It’s really cute.  We’re hoping he learns to speak well soon, but just not as much as his brother does(-;

I’m still doing chemo which is going ok, as well as natural IV therapies.  We’re hoping to create some sort of synergy with the 2 different treatments to get a response from this tumor.  If the scan shows some growth, it will be a very hard decision of how to proceed.  Radiation is recommended by all doctors, but since we’ve been told that it won’t help me live longer anyways, and it could cause some pretty significant side effects including causing a high grade tumor of what I already have, then it seems illogical to go down this road.   So we’ll just take it a day at a time.  The story of our lives…

We still feel blessed, though.  We have so many loving and supportive people around us.  We know we are covered in prayer and serving a God that can heal.  We are claiming healing in my life, hopefully sooner rather than later.  We know God is good so we’re just resting in that.  I will post with results when we get them.  Scans are July 7th (how is it July already???), so hopefully by the end of next week we’ll get some news.  Until then…

After consulting with my plethora of doctors, here is the plan we came up with.  Dr. Liau is concerned that the chemo may not be working for my tumor, as it’s grown slightly since I started chemo in February, albeit slight.  She first recommended that I proceed with radiation, but after a phone conference with her she agreed with my appeal to give chemo a couple more months to kick in, scan again and then go from there.  I’m still hesitant to play the radiation card for a couple of reasons.  First, it’s still only a low grade tumor.  I can only do radiation once, so if it happens to upgrade down the road, I don’t have this option.  Radiation is generally not used for low grade tumors because of this reason.  Second, she said that radiation will not shrink this tumor, it should just keep it from transforming to a higher grade tumor and hopefully keep it from growing more.  My thought was that I’ve had this thing for 5 years now and it’s mostly remained low grade so that wasn’t too concerning for me, even though it’s always a risk.  If radiation would actually shrink this thing and get it out of my brain, then I might be more willing to jump on that bandwagon.  I asked her what the deficits would be radiating the area that needs to be radiated.  She said that I will possibly have more visual deficits than what I already have, as well as memory issues and hair loss at the insertion site.  Not too bad, but still not my choice at this time.  I’m so thankful that she’s open to just giving me her advice, but still willing to let me make the decision and supporting me in what I decide.  I can’t imagine going through this whole mess without her!

On the alternative front, we’re going to keep on keeping on.  We’ve been keeping DMSO out of the mix for the most part since last November, so we’ve thrown that back in at quite a high level.  It stinks, literally, but it seems to have been effective during last summer and fall, so we’re going to see what we can do with it back in the schedule.  I am alternating the DMSO and high dose Vitamin C on the days that I’m not on chemo to throw something at this tumor every single day.  Since I’ve been told by my surgeon that there is nothing out there right now that can shrink this tumor, I’m going to try anything I can to make that happen.  For those of you wondering, she is aware of what I’m doing and supportive, as is my oncologist.  I’ve been blessed with several doctors in my life that will let me make a lot of my own treatment decisions with their guidance, but support me in whatever I decide.  LOVE that.

Thanks for all of your emails, phone calls, cards etc….it’s great to feel loved and supported.  Next scan is June 30th….you’ll be seeing me before then (-;

My brother posted “I’m going to live this day intentionally” on Twitter the other day.  It made me think about the things in my life for which I am living intentionally.  The most obvious one that comes to mind is my intention of getting rid of this tumor.  I tend to eat, sleep and breath the thoughts of this tumor camping out in my head on a daily basis.  Understandable?  Sure.  Ridiculous?  Yes.  Ever since this last scan, I’ve been pouring over books, the internet, things that I have been looking at over the past 5 years to make sure that there isn’t anything that I’ve missed.  I’d have to say I’ve been a bit obsessive.   I think it’s crazy to not educate yourself about the things if you’re life that you are dealing with, especially when it comes to your health.  But I also think there needs to be a balance.  My endeavor in pursuing ways to restore my health may actually be a bit counter-productive.  First, I’m not trusting God for ultimate healing.  My faith blows right out the door when I get in this frame of mind, which leaves me in a lonely, somewhat depressed state.  I’m carrying this load solo and it’s too much.   Second, continuously pouring all of the various scenarios into my mind for me to think through is a heap of stress.  This stress manifests itself emotionally, physically, psychologically.  What is agreed upon by 99% of people in the medical community as a contributor to chronic disease?  Yep, stress.  Third, I’m armed with most of the knowledge I need to know, already.  I’ve been dealing with this for 5 years now, which means I’ve been devouring research for that long, as well.  Why do I need to review it?  The hours I spend researching could be spent working out, hanging out in good conversations, reaching out to other people that may be going through something difficult;  activities that seem to be much more productive and great for my emotional, physical and spiritual well being, thus moving my body toward wellness.

For those of you out there that think ‘cancer will never happen to me’, I implore you to reconsider that mindset.  I was only 26 and in great health, or so I thought, when I was diagnosed.  I was living a blessed life with a new son and an amazing husband.  Nobody on either side of my family had ever had cancer.  One would think that I was swimming in a great genetic pool.  Not so much.  My point here is simply this:

YOU NEVER KNOW!!

The old adage ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure‘ is something everybody should have displayed somewhere in their house, particularly in the kitchen.  Be more cautious with how you treat your body.  Eat a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables.  Plant a garden.  This is one of those activities that I think can have a profound impact on your health.  Not only are you growing organic food that you can eat off of your own land, but the process of growing and caring for your own food is extremely therapeutic.  The physical benefits you get from working the ground and planting, the satisfaction of being self-sustaining, even just watering them and watching them grow can give you great satisfaction.  It sounds silly, but try it.  You’ll understand what I’m talking about.  Pay attention to the articles that flash across Yahoo headlines about how exercise decreases your risk of chronic disease, Vitamin D deficiency causes this, that and the other.  It may not seem relevant to you and is easy to pass off, but it is and you shouldn’t.  It could save your life.

All of this to say, why not live intentionally and do what you can to prevent things like cancer popping up in your life?  We have the tools and the knowledge to know what we can do to direct our bodies toward wellness, so why not use them?  Is it hard work?  Yes.  Does it require a lot of discipline?  Yes.  Does it require sacrifice?  Yes.  Will it be worth it?  Absolutely.  Look at your kids, look at your spouse, look at those around you who care about you.  You’re not only doing this for yourself, but for all those people that love you and want to have you in their lives.  I don’t want my kids to grow up without a mom.  When I had Tyler, I was on top of the world.  Life couldn’t have been any better, I thought.  I was driving home from work one evening, then wham !  Our world changed forever that day and life has been an extremely bumpy roller coaster ride ever since.  I don’t recommend this ride for anybody, and once you’re on it, it’s extremely hard to get off.  Cancer is quite the formidable foe that doesn’t go away easily.  The best way to fight this beast?  Don’t let it come around in the first place.

So live with your life with intention.  Live it with the intention of watching your kids grow up and becoming a grandparent.  Live it with the intention of bringing your body into a state of wellness so that you can avoid traveling down the same road that I’m on.

Please trust me when I say, it’s not a trek you’ll ever want to take…

I received an email from Dr. Liau at UCLA and she has recommended that I proceed with radiation at this point.  The tumor has grown only slightly since February, but since the chemotherapy hasn’t controlled the growth, she’s concerned about more growth.  This news is a little devastating.  It’s not a card that we wanted to play right now.  It can only be done once and it is usually quite damaging, considering that your cognitive functioning is being radiated.  I have a phone conference setup on Wednesday with her so that we can discuss things further.  I have many questions before making this decision.  I’ll probably make a decision by Wednesday, so I’ll post then what that is.  Please pray for comfort and wisdom right now.  So appreciative for all of you…

Construction began about a year ago on a new milking parlor which allows us to expand since we’re busting out of our seams.  Today, this project that the guys have been eating, sleeping and breathing has come to fruition.  You can see some pictures of it here(view it as slideshow).

It was quite a crazy day!  It took a lot of convincing for the cows to cooperate and go into the stalls, with the encouragement of about 15 guys.  Because there were some delays with the electricians in getting it all running this morning, they are now trying to cycle through milking 800 cows that are overdue on getting milked.  It’s quite loud over there right now with all of the bawling from the ladies.  ‘Milk me’!

I can’t believe how hard the guys have worked on this project.  It is absolutely beautiful!  I’m not sure Mike and Marvin are going to know what to do with all of their free time now.  Maybe just do their normal job and get home before 8 every night?  That would be lovely.  But more likely, they’ll start another project.  And we’re just now getting into the busy summer season.  Oh the life of farming…LOVE IT!

The local radiology report says that the tumor has mild growth. It’s still presenting as a low grade tumor (yay!), but it still appears to be on the move. Bummer. We’re doing really well. After a bit of processing, we’re back in the frame of mind where it is what it is, and we’re on to the next step. What is the next step? Not sure yet. We’re waiting to hear back from Dr. Linda Liau at UCLA, whom we deem the final opinion. Once we get word about their read of the scan and recommendations, then we’ll decide what to do. Hopefully that will be rather soon. I’ll post when we know more. Thanks for your prayers!

I will post with the results as soon as I hear.  Hopefully this week sometime.  Thank you so much for all of your hugs, cards, prayers.  We are blessed.

MY FACE IS SHINING UPON YOU, beaming
out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded
by a sea of problems, but you are face to Face with Me,
your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you
gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will
sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to
sink, simply call out “Help me, Jesus!” and I will lift you up.
The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances
around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking
waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me, the One
who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they
will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always
beside you, helping you face today’s waves. The future is a
phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay
close to Me.

I have been blessed, again, with a great doctor.  I decided to get a new oncologist, so my neurologist recommended one at her clinic in Corvallis.  She is amazing.  I told her everything that I have been doing and she was so supportive that she offered to put in an order for me to get a port.  She thought my PICC line must be a huge inconvenience for me, which is quite true, so why not get a port, instead?  A port is a catheter that is surgically placed under the skin, usually around the clavical area.  There is essentially no maintenance and it can get wet, which is lovely.  Trying to keep this PICC line dry in the shower has proven to be quite challenging.  Swimming is definitely not an option, which is a big bummer when going on vacation.  I’ve wanted to get one of these for awhile now, but didn’t have a doctor that would be willing to give the order to have it done.  It is such a relief to have a doctor that supports what I’m doing homeopathically, and it’s amazing that it happens to be the same one that is also monitoring my cancer treatment.

I have scheduled my follow up MRI and PET scan on May 5th.  Based upon the results of those scans, we’ll decide what the next step will be.  If the tumor is still growing, it is recommended by all of my doctors that radiation should be done.  This would be the absolute worst case scenario.  We’ve always wanted this to only be a last resort, rather than play that card so early.  It’s a one time deal and can’t be done, again, later.  But if it’s necessary to get it done, then we’ll do it.  I really don’t anticipate any growth on this scan.  My focal seizures have decreased quite significantly over the past month, which is such a huge relief.  I have done 3 rounds of chemo so far and will be doing a fourth right before my scans.  The first round of chemo was a learning curve.  I learned that the fatigue I experience is significantly reduced if I eat some protein first thing in the morning, followed by small meals throughout the day.  It seems like this drug plays with my blood sugar level, so keeping it balanced helps tremendously.  Part of this issue, I’m sure, is because I have to stop eating early the night before.  I have to take Zofran (anti-nausea med) on an empty stomach and an hour before I take the Temodar.  It really seems to wreak havoc on my GI system, too.  About an hour after I take the Temodar, I experience some fairly significant cramping.  ‘Smooth Move’ tea is a fabulous solution for this.  As soon as I start drinking it, the cramping subsides.  So if you’re on Temodar, buy a case of this stuff here.  It’s significantly cheaper than buying some in a store.   I am so extremely thankful for modern medicine when chemo is necessary.  It’s amazing that I can be on chemo and forget that I’m on it, thanks to things like anti-nausea drugs.

I’m hoping to get my scan results a little faster than I have been getting them.  It’s been taking about a week to get the results, versus a couple of days like what it used to be.  The waiting game is always a stressful time.  It’s hard enough dealing with the anticipation of having the scans done, let alone having to wait to get the results several days later.  I feel so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by caring hands right now.  My surgeon, my naturopath, the MRI tech, the nurses changing my PICC line dressing, my oncologist….all amazing people.  Experiencing cancer is so much easier when you enjoy the people who surround you throughout your journey.  I ame blessed in that way. 

Other than all of that stuff, I’m hoping to have some good news to post on May 6th…