The results of my MRI showed the tumor to be stable since my last scan, which was almost 3 months ago.  How blessed am I?  This time spent off of treatment was great not only for a break, but so much better for my relationship with God.  I loved it.  I loved that when the fear crept into my head about being off of treatment and the implications it would have for the outcome of this scan, I remembered that I handed it all over to Him, and then I could breathe a sigh of relief.  It was up to him.  He wanted me to do this, so I had to trust him to take care of it.  And he did!

I challenge any of you going through an extremely difficult situation to put yourself (responsibly) in a position where you have to rely upon Him and his help and guidance.  The bondage of the crisis melts away and you often become more free than before the crisis began.  God is so faithful.  Why do we so often doubt?

I posted a testimonial for my naturopath on his new website.  Part of that testimonial said this:  In my world of cancer, he has by far become my most important ally. I have six doctors that I deal with regularly. Five of these doctors mean really well when it comes to treating my cancer. Dr. Nigh is the only one who has taught me that my body must first become well, in order to treat this cancer successfully.

I look at my cancer journey in a similar way spiritually.  I feel like God is teaching me that my relationship with him must become well, too, as part of this healing process.  Not that God can’t and wouldn’t heal me anyways, but for me, these past few weeks of having to lean completely on him was a breakthrough in my relationship with him.  My whole hope and trust was put in him, and the rewards of that have been amazing.  I don’t live everyday in fear of the unknown.  It’s in his hands and I feel like I’m doing my part in putting my body on the path to wellness and I think that he will bless that.  I truly believe that our body was meant to be self healing and that if we treat it correctly and give it the proper nutrition, that it will remain well.

My naturopath and I decided yesterday that the plan will be to do one day of treatment every week.  One day on, six days off.  Love it.  It’s a great treatment plan.  These tumors like to explode and upgrade overnight, so the treatment that I’m doing should keep that in check, but not overwhelm and alter my daily living.

God is good.  The people he has surrounded me with are incredible.  It is an absolute treasure and gift to be taken care of as well as I am.

If you’re dealing with something that is overwhelming, give it to him.  He wants to take it and let you rest in his palm.  Do it and you will be blessed.

I can tell you a little bit about that…

Several weeks ago, I felt like God was speaking to me about where I was putting my faith and trust with this tumor.  Was I putting my ultimate trust in him that he would bring healing to my body, or was I putting all of my faith and trust in the treatments that I’ve been doing?  Easy answer.  I was putting my hope in these treatments, and was sure that they are what is saving my life right now.  God was just a part of my life, but not my complete hope for healing.  He gave me peace and grace when I asked for it, but it was becoming just a prayer of convenience.  My prayer was “thank you God for providing the resources that I need to fight this tumor”.  And while this is right and true, my first prayer should be “thank you God for the healing that you are doing in my life, because I am only here by your grace and mercy.”

Well, that has changed.  God was having a one-sided conversation with me about it for several days.  I knew what I needed to do, but my gut reaction was “that is absolutely crazy!”  When I finally heeded to his prompting in my heart, I decided that I needed to stop all treatment that I was doing for the next four weeks before my scans.  I needed to be put in a position where my faith and hope for healing is totally dependent upon him because I don’t have the other treatment to fall back on.  It is in his hands, and I need to trust him in that.

This is so typical of God, and I love it.  It was a Tuesday and I was going to see my doctor the next day to tell him my decision.  I jumped back and forth about what I was really going to decide to do about every ten minutes.  That morning was my first morning of starting Bible Study Fellowship.  One of the main themes of that morning’s study?  The faith that Martha had to have in Jesus to be able to ask for the stone to be rolled away from Lazarus’ tomb.  The question that was presented to us as we were wrapping up was “what is your stone that is getting in the way of your faith?”  Ok, God.  You could not say it more loud and more clear than this.  So it was that moment that my decision was final.

I have been off of treatment for three weeks now.  If I would have known how I would feel after laying this tumor down completely in his hands a year ago, I would’ve stopped doing treatment then.  (but he wasn’t asking me to do that at that time).  God has been amazing.  The peace, comfort and closeness that I feel with him is indescribable, and it makes me so grateful that he loves me enough to keep knocking on the door of my heart to be obedient to him.  I have been so blessed by this step of obedience.  I feel free from the burden of this tumor.  Not to say that I still don’t struggle with trusting God completely.  It’s a choice I have to make on a daily basis because I like to be in control of making plans and then having back-up plans for those.  But that isn’t what this is about.

Scans will happen on February 23rd, so your prayers for continued trust and for God’s healing touch on my body means more to me than you’ll ever know.  I’m so blessed by everybody that is loving me and interceding for me in prayer.  SO blessed.

So watch out.

God is on the move and he’s doing great things…