After consulting with my plethora of doctors, here is the plan we came up with.  Dr. Liau is concerned that the chemo may not be working for my tumor, as it’s grown slightly since I started chemo in February, albeit slight.  She first recommended that I proceed with radiation, but after a phone conference with her she agreed with my appeal to give chemo a couple more months to kick in, scan again and then go from there.  I’m still hesitant to play the radiation card for a couple of reasons.  First, it’s still only a low grade tumor.  I can only do radiation once, so if it happens to upgrade down the road, I don’t have this option.  Radiation is generally not used for low grade tumors because of this reason.  Second, she said that radiation will not shrink this tumor, it should just keep it from transforming to a higher grade tumor and hopefully keep it from growing more.  My thought was that I’ve had this thing for 5 years now and it’s mostly remained low grade so that wasn’t too concerning for me, even though it’s always a risk.  If radiation would actually shrink this thing and get it out of my brain, then I might be more willing to jump on that bandwagon.  I asked her what the deficits would be radiating the area that needs to be radiated.  She said that I will possibly have more visual deficits than what I already have, as well as memory issues and hair loss at the insertion site.  Not too bad, but still not my choice at this time.  I’m so thankful that she’s open to just giving me her advice, but still willing to let me make the decision and supporting me in what I decide.  I can’t imagine going through this whole mess without her!

On the alternative front, we’re going to keep on keeping on.  We’ve been keeping DMSO out of the mix for the most part since last November, so we’ve thrown that back in at quite a high level.  It stinks, literally, but it seems to have been effective during last summer and fall, so we’re going to see what we can do with it back in the schedule.  I am alternating the DMSO and high dose Vitamin C on the days that I’m not on chemo to throw something at this tumor every single day.  Since I’ve been told by my surgeon that there is nothing out there right now that can shrink this tumor, I’m going to try anything I can to make that happen.  For those of you wondering, she is aware of what I’m doing and supportive, as is my oncologist.  I’ve been blessed with several doctors in my life that will let me make a lot of my own treatment decisions with their guidance, but support me in whatever I decide.  LOVE that.

Thanks for all of your emails, phone calls, cards etc….it’s great to feel loved and supported.  Next scan is June 30th….you’ll be seeing me before then (-;

My brother posted “I’m going to live this day intentionally” on Twitter the other day.  It made me think about the things in my life for which I am living intentionally.  The most obvious one that comes to mind is my intention of getting rid of this tumor.  I tend to eat, sleep and breath the thoughts of this tumor camping out in my head on a daily basis.  Understandable?  Sure.  Ridiculous?  Yes.  Ever since this last scan, I’ve been pouring over books, the internet, things that I have been looking at over the past 5 years to make sure that there isn’t anything that I’ve missed.  I’d have to say I’ve been a bit obsessive.   I think it’s crazy to not educate yourself about the things if you’re life that you are dealing with, especially when it comes to your health.  But I also think there needs to be a balance.  My endeavor in pursuing ways to restore my health may actually be a bit counter-productive.  First, I’m not trusting God for ultimate healing.  My faith blows right out the door when I get in this frame of mind, which leaves me in a lonely, somewhat depressed state.  I’m carrying this load solo and it’s too much.   Second, continuously pouring all of the various scenarios into my mind for me to think through is a heap of stress.  This stress manifests itself emotionally, physically, psychologically.  What is agreed upon by 99% of people in the medical community as a contributor to chronic disease?  Yep, stress.  Third, I’m armed with most of the knowledge I need to know, already.  I’ve been dealing with this for 5 years now, which means I’ve been devouring research for that long, as well.  Why do I need to review it?  The hours I spend researching could be spent working out, hanging out in good conversations, reaching out to other people that may be going through something difficult;  activities that seem to be much more productive and great for my emotional, physical and spiritual well being, thus moving my body toward wellness.

For those of you out there that think ‘cancer will never happen to me’, I implore you to reconsider that mindset.  I was only 26 and in great health, or so I thought, when I was diagnosed.  I was living a blessed life with a new son and an amazing husband.  Nobody on either side of my family had ever had cancer.  One would think that I was swimming in a great genetic pool.  Not so much.  My point here is simply this:

YOU NEVER KNOW!!

The old adage ‘an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure‘ is something everybody should have displayed somewhere in their house, particularly in the kitchen.  Be more cautious with how you treat your body.  Eat a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables.  Plant a garden.  This is one of those activities that I think can have a profound impact on your health.  Not only are you growing organic food that you can eat off of your own land, but the process of growing and caring for your own food is extremely therapeutic.  The physical benefits you get from working the ground and planting, the satisfaction of being self-sustaining, even just watering them and watching them grow can give you great satisfaction.  It sounds silly, but try it.  You’ll understand what I’m talking about.  Pay attention to the articles that flash across Yahoo headlines about how exercise decreases your risk of chronic disease, Vitamin D deficiency causes this, that and the other.  It may not seem relevant to you and is easy to pass off, but it is and you shouldn’t.  It could save your life.

All of this to say, why not live intentionally and do what you can to prevent things like cancer popping up in your life?  We have the tools and the knowledge to know what we can do to direct our bodies toward wellness, so why not use them?  Is it hard work?  Yes.  Does it require a lot of discipline?  Yes.  Does it require sacrifice?  Yes.  Will it be worth it?  Absolutely.  Look at your kids, look at your spouse, look at those around you who care about you.  You’re not only doing this for yourself, but for all those people that love you and want to have you in their lives.  I don’t want my kids to grow up without a mom.  When I had Tyler, I was on top of the world.  Life couldn’t have been any better, I thought.  I was driving home from work one evening, then wham !  Our world changed forever that day and life has been an extremely bumpy roller coaster ride ever since.  I don’t recommend this ride for anybody, and once you’re on it, it’s extremely hard to get off.  Cancer is quite the formidable foe that doesn’t go away easily.  The best way to fight this beast?  Don’t let it come around in the first place.

So live with your life with intention.  Live it with the intention of watching your kids grow up and becoming a grandparent.  Live it with the intention of bringing your body into a state of wellness so that you can avoid traveling down the same road that I’m on.

Please trust me when I say, it’s not a trek you’ll ever want to take…

I received an email from Dr. Liau at UCLA and she has recommended that I proceed with radiation at this point.  The tumor has grown only slightly since February, but since the chemotherapy hasn’t controlled the growth, she’s concerned about more growth.  This news is a little devastating.  It’s not a card that we wanted to play right now.  It can only be done once and it is usually quite damaging, considering that your cognitive functioning is being radiated.  I have a phone conference setup on Wednesday with her so that we can discuss things further.  I have many questions before making this decision.  I’ll probably make a decision by Wednesday, so I’ll post then what that is.  Please pray for comfort and wisdom right now.  So appreciative for all of you…

Construction began about a year ago on a new milking parlor which allows us to expand since we’re busting out of our seams.  Today, this project that the guys have been eating, sleeping and breathing has come to fruition.  You can see some pictures of it here(view it as slideshow).

It was quite a crazy day!  It took a lot of convincing for the cows to cooperate and go into the stalls, with the encouragement of about 15 guys.  Because there were some delays with the electricians in getting it all running this morning, they are now trying to cycle through milking 800 cows that are overdue on getting milked.  It’s quite loud over there right now with all of the bawling from the ladies.  ‘Milk me’!

I can’t believe how hard the guys have worked on this project.  It is absolutely beautiful!  I’m not sure Mike and Marvin are going to know what to do with all of their free time now.  Maybe just do their normal job and get home before 8 every night?  That would be lovely.  But more likely, they’ll start another project.  And we’re just now getting into the busy summer season.  Oh the life of farming…LOVE IT!

The local radiology report says that the tumor has mild growth. It’s still presenting as a low grade tumor (yay!), but it still appears to be on the move. Bummer. We’re doing really well. After a bit of processing, we’re back in the frame of mind where it is what it is, and we’re on to the next step. What is the next step? Not sure yet. We’re waiting to hear back from Dr. Linda Liau at UCLA, whom we deem the final opinion. Once we get word about their read of the scan and recommendations, then we’ll decide what to do. Hopefully that will be rather soon. I’ll post when we know more. Thanks for your prayers!

I will post with the results as soon as I hear.  Hopefully this week sometime.  Thank you so much for all of your hugs, cards, prayers.  We are blessed.

MY FACE IS SHINING UPON YOU, beaming
out Peace that transcends understanding. You are surrounded
by a sea of problems, but you are face to Face with Me,
your Peace. As long as you focus on Me, you are safe. If you
gaze too long at the myriad problems around you, you will
sink under the weight of your burdens. When you start to
sink, simply call out “Help me, Jesus!” and I will lift you up.
The closer you live to Me, the safer you are. Circumstances
around you are undulating, and there are treacherous-looking
waves in the distance. Fix your eyes on Me, the One
who never changes. By the time those waves reach you, they
will have shrunk to proportions of My design. I am always
beside you, helping you face today’s waves. The future is a
phantom, seeking to spook you. Laugh at the future! Stay
close to Me.